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It was a day of thanksgiving and praise for our church [Holy Light] for the Lord has prepared a land and a building for us to work for His Glory. This day, I had a burdened heart, my soul was troubled, and I kept praying, "God, if You really want me to go, then give me the courage to speak, maybe ask them to say something like, 'maybe some younger ones?'" I was only 16 by then. And I felt an answer, "If I call you to go, isn't it enough?" Then I asked Mrs Yeoh, our beloved Pastor's wife, "Can young people share?" And she pushed me out in front of the Church. With 1 Tim 4:12 in mind, I stepped out boldly, and speak with shaky voice. That was the first time.
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Then I started sharing through occasions like Parents' Thanksgiving Night organised by Youth, Watch night Service and in the youth fellowship. Each time, there's someone that would encouraged me, shared with me their joy after I shared. I praise God and want to give glory to God for using me and for using His people to encourage me to continue to share His goodness. My dad did helped me and commented about what I shared each time, and hope that the next sharing would be better, for Him.
I don't exactly know what happened, was it because I am too serious, too long-winded or what, some youths start saying I'm old and all,I know they were but joking, but then I started wondering, have I been appearing too many times in front.
Yesterday I stepped out again in front. There is only one reason I stepped out, that is, I do not want to discredit Him for all He has done for me this year. Yet when I sat back, I wonder, did I really give glory to Him? My sharing was messy, perhaps typical of me, but anyway, at least I did what I promised Him. It would be overboard of me if I did not give the One who has given His life for me the Glory due His Name.
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Our beloved Pastor and a few seen my face or name on newspaper, and told dad about how famous I'm becoming in Johor's streets. Initially I was happy to know that, but soon I wonder if God's Glory was seen through that appearance of my name and face? Let me pronounce it, that if in any of those things that people see about me, Christ's glory is not testified, I've been in vanity. I've done in vain.
Nothing is more important than God. And nothing in us there's more important than a heart after His own heart. I heard preachers spoke with encouragement about year 2011 will be the year of the Lord's favor. I do not know if it literally means many many material blessings or what, but I know, if pain is there, His comfort is there, if hurt was anywhere, His love never fails. If I ever fall, His love will support me [Psalm 94:18].
Through the year, there's so much things to thank God for. Through hurts by friends, discouragement by things around me, being so emo so may times, felt alone and rejected by people around me, God is still so strong with me, uplifting me in His strong arms. His love never fails.
I don't know if anyone is that emo like me, always feeling all the highs and lows. You may say that it is eventful. And I don't know if anyone is having the thought of he'll die every next moment like me. I always felt that, living as if the next second I'll be gone, and leaving behind all things I have as possessions on Earth.
I only know one thing, "He must become greater; and I must become less" -John 3:30
Pride and lust are two evil seeds that, pride has creped into my life too often without me knowing, that causes so much troubles for me and my relationship with the people around me; while lust has always cause me so much troubles in treating people as persons and not possessions, as lovely human created by God, not of wicked desires.
But God taught me this, the power of the resurrection and the power of His love. He took me up, from the miry clay, set my feet upon the Rock and now I know, what do I know? I know His forgiveness and embrace. That is how He has found me, though a young boy with lusts and prides, He broke them down, and called him to be His very own. I lost myself, but found an identity that nothing can replaced, for only the blood of Christ and His love has given me that identity.
I do not what's happening next, I do not care if the world would hate me, but Lord, just may I be just a signpost, telling the world this, that Jesus loves them. Immanuel. Amen.
When I failed, and evidently so many times, it is the Almighty I'm counting on, and His Church that we're counting on. Everything in my life was only possible because He loves us.
Something was very different for me this new year's day. Yesterday after the service, I felt so tired and sleepy wanna dig a hole and sleep or whatever. Something was started in me through that watchnight service. Something changed. And I prayed, God, lead the change. If there is a shape of my feeling just now, perhaps, was flat. But now, I'm happy, to remember His goodness for me.
For all who I've done wrong, I sincerely want to say sorry, and to all the people around me, I want to thank God for you for being a part of my life. :D hugs and loves.
-raymond.
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