Family

Disclaimer: this is not to ask for sympathy nor of to show how sad my story may be, and never any intent to shame my family, but to show how God has used us, regard us as if worthy of His love. And my mom- she is not that bad after all.

Ah, finally I sat in front it and started typing this out, after a long time seeing all the posts.

I came from a broken family. Broken, but not abandoned. My dad is a single parent, ever since 02. In 2002, many things have happened - my grandmother passed away, my dog was given away, my parents went through divorce, and then my dad embrace the love of Christ, and I was introduced to a church - a greater and bigger family.

It has been especially tough for my dad through the years. We still stay in the house we used to, my mom stayed not far away. Sometimes on the road, my dad would saw my mom. It has been heart-breaking. My dad has struggled for a long time, and now still, perhaps, to forgive the one he used to call wife. And every time, he saw my sis and I, he felt sorry, as if he could have done better. But dad, what you've done is really much appreciated, who you are is who we loved.

And my mom, as time goes by, the relationship between us become fragile, and we aren't that close any longer. I have not really understood what has happened between my dad and mom, my dad had tried to preserve as much as he could, a mom's image of her to us. It was heart-breaking to me, not because of the divorce, but what causes it. I've been trying to define what have caused it, but guess it's not important, I only no, it is what we called - something-not-of-love and something-not-of-God.

And during each milestone of my life, each birthday, each family time, each mother's day, each father's day, each Christmas, each Chinese New Year. I really cannot express how, or rather, how I slowly get used to it. I walked past restaurants, seeing the family together, having their meals together. I walked into people's homes, seeing how their moms passed them their angpows.

I walked into the church, and the speaker greeted all the moms a blessed mother's day while I wonder where is my mom. My sisters same in with other kids to pass all the moms in the congregation the gifts they have made, and I wonder what she felt. The speaker speaks of how important the relationship of the husbands and their wives, and I dared not take a look at my dad's face, only praying at my seat, "God, take care of my dad."

Many have asked, when they visited my house, where is my mom, and I said what I guess is the truth, and they said sorry, and I wondered why. To all friends who have asked, please don't feel bad, it's okay, really.

After all, if it was not because of what has happened in 02, I would not have known Christ. If not because of that, my dad still worship what he doesn't really know. If not because of that I would not been challenged to stand at a different view about what relationship and commitment is concerning boy-girl relationship when seeing my friends holding hands with their partners.

And if not God's love, my dad would have been lost. If not His church, my dad would have commited suicide. If not His church, my sis and I would be fatherless.

And when I looked back, despite many things I can complaint about, and argued with the One who loves us, and besides saying that what am I, a creature to talk to its Creator like that, I was pretty content of how He has loved me.

I've been a sinner, a dirty, filthy worm who has been involved in sexual fantasies and dirty thoughts. Sometime worse. But perhaps, just everything that you never know raymond has done. Yet, one day, I encountered Him and His love, and He taught me what forgiveness means, besides, how could I truly know my Savior if not know what exactly is called forgiveness and grace? He taught me how He actually carried all those dirty thoughts to the cross, bearing all the shame, as if He did what I did wrong.

And in my later years in secondary, while I was crazy over a girl, He saved me from a multitude of sins. If not Jesus, I would have been like any of those who was reported and condemned on newspaper and by public as pervert and wicked, unwise and worldly. I am prone to lustful thoughts. And it has been a real struggle in this young man's battle. And I know, I cannot fight this alone. In fact, I am not alone, and if only I relied on His strength and recognise His power is made perfect in my weaknesses. Yet, those days, if not those people, friends, brothers and sisters God placed in my life besides me, I would have gone into a relationship with her and perhaps did the most unimaginable thing.

Pretty much of this was because of what has happened in my family. Not implying that God has no other way to save us, but He knows what is best for us, He knows what is He doing. And we shall rest assured because our family, our future, our relationship, our studies, our career, our calling, our destiny, our lives, our family - His church are in the hands of He who loves us.

For the scripture says,

"No eye has seen,
no ears has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love Him"
-1 Corinthians 2:9

And truly I believe, God loves us with an everlasting love. He has proved Himself faithful to us, despite it is not necessary for Him to be faithful to us who are faithless and who have been heart-breaking to Him. Jesus loves us, Emanuel. That what the Gospel is all about, that is what the Bible is saying, of the God who loves us, who seek us, and who is with us.

In those days, when God gave Adam and Eve freewill, He gave not only their freedom to do good or evil, but also, the choice one could make about his way of looking at things, and to know His love.

Isn't it worth a moment of thoughts about America? The place of origin of Mother's Day and Father's Day. Yet today, 50% of the families are broken. What has happened? And who are we to today's families?

Happy Mother's Day to all. May you have a wonderful time with your family. God bless.

raymond- d'nous student.